Permissive parenting is a type of parenting
style characterized by low demands with high responsiveness. Permissive parents
tend to be very loving, yet provide few guidelines and rules.
These parents do
not expect mature behavior from their children and often seem more like a
friend than a parental figure.
These parents tend to be the polar opposite
of the so-called "helicopter parents." Instead of hovering over their
children's every move, permissive parents are incredibly lax and rarely make or
enforce any type of rules or structure.
Their motto is often simply that "kids
will be kids." While they are usually warm and loving, they make little or
no attempt to control or discipline their kids.
Because there are few rules, expectations
and demands, children raised by permissive parents tend to struggle with
self-regulation and self-control.
Early Research on Permissive Parenting
Based on her research with preschool-age
children, developmental psychologist Diana Baumrind described three major
parenting styles. In later years, researchers would continue to investigate the
different styles of parenting and even added a fourth style. Permissive
parenting is one of the original parenting styles described by Baumrind.
Permissive parenting is sometimes known as
indulgent parenting. Parents who exhibit this style make relatively few demands
on their children. Because these parents have low expectations for self-control
and maturity, discipline is a rarity.
According to Baumrind, permissive parents
"are more responsive than they are demanding. They are nontraditional and
lenient, do not require mature behavior, allow considerable self-regulation,
and avoid confrontation."
Characteristics of the Permissive Parenting
Style
Permissive parents:
Have few rules or standards of behavior
When there are rules, they are often very
inconsistent
Are usually very nurturing and loving
towards their kids
Often seem more like a friend, rather than
a parent
May use bribery such as toys, gifts and
food as a means to get child to behave
Provide little in the way of a schedule or
structure
Emphasize their children's freedom rather
than responsibility
Ask their children's opinions on major
decisions
Rarely enforce any type of consequences
The Effects of Permissive Parenting
Researchers have found that the overly
relaxed approach to parenting exhibited by permissive parents can lead to a
number of negative outcomes. Children raised by permissive parents tend to lack
self-discipline, possess poor social skills, may be self-involved and
demanding, and may feel insecure due to the lack of boundaries and guidance.
Research has also suggested that kids
raised by permissive parents:
Display low achievement in many areas.
Because their parents have little to no expectations of them, these kids have
nothing to strive toward. Studies have linked permissive parenting to lower
academic achievement.
Make poor decisions. Since their parents do not set or enforce any type of rules or guidelines, these kids struggle to
learn good problem-solving and decision-making skills.
Display more aggression and less emotional
understanding.Because they do not learn to deal with their emotions
effectively, particularly in situations where they do not get what they want,
children with permissive parents may struggle when faced with stressful or
emotionally difficult situations.
May be more prone to delinquency and
substance use. Studies suggest that children raised by permissive parents are
more likely to engage in misconduct and alcohol or substance use.
Unable to manage their time or habits.
Because of the lack of structure and rules in the home, these kids never learn
limits. This might lead to watching too much television, playing too many
computer games, and eating too much. These children never learn to limit their
screen time or eating habits, which can lead to unhealthy habits and obesity.
In one study, permissive parenting was
linked to underage alcohol use; teens with permissive parents were three times
more likely to engage in heavy drinking. Researchers also suggest that
permissive parenting is linked to other risky behaviors such as drug use and
other forms of misconduct.
Because permissive parenting involves a
lack of demands and expectations, children raised by parents with this style
tend to grow up without a strong sense of self-discipline. They may be more
unruly in school due to the lack of boundaries in the home, and may be less
academically motivated than many of their peers.
Since these parents have few requirements
for mature behavior, children may lack skills in social settings. While they
may be good at interpersonal communication, they lack other important skills
such as sharing.
What Can You Do About Permissive Parenting?
If you tend to be a pushover or struggle to
enforce rules, consider looking for ways that you can develop some more
authoritative parenting habits. This can be difficult at times, because it
often means becoming stricter, enforcing rules, and being able to cope with
your child being upset.
Some strategies you might consider:
Develop a list of basic household rules. In
order for your kids to know how they are supposed to behave, they need to
clearly understand what your expectations are.
Make sure your kids understand the penalty
of breaking the rules. Guidelines are useless unless there is some sort of
consequence for failing to follow them. Time-outs and losing privileges are
logical consequences for breaking the household rules.
Follow through. This can be the greatest
struggle for parents who tend to be permissive, but it is important. Try to be
firm and consistent, but still loving. Help your kids understand why such rules
are important by providing adequate feedback and explanations, but still make
sure that consequences are in place.
Reward good behavior. Try to catch your
children being good and allow special privileges when they display these
actions.
Permissive parenting can lead to a number
of problems, so it pays to consciously try to utilize a more authoritative
approach if you recognize these signs of permissiveness in your own
parenting. If you tend to be more of a
permissive parent, think of ways that you can help your children understand
your expectations and guidelines and be consistent about your enforcement of
these rules. By providing your kids with the right balance of structure and
support, you can ensure that they grow up with the skills they need to succeed
in life.